The teenage years are a time of immense transition and change that impacts all aspects of a teenager’s life – emotionally, socially, psychologically, physically and relationally. Becoming an adult is a process of discovering who we are and who we want to be, while at the same time dealing with a changing body, and many new emotional and social experiences. As parents we can sometimes forget how tumultuous this time of life can be and find connecting with our teenage child challenging. Because the young person has a strong need to individuate – that is to find their own self – even when we are willing and able to listen they often don’t want to talk to their parents about the things they are going through. In other cases, like those of eating disorders and suicidal ideation, issues are more severe and as parents we feel out of our depth.
While therapy can be helpful at anytime during the teenage years, there are some experiences with which your teenage son or daughter may need more support and talking to a professional teen counsellor can make a real difference.
The following issues are not an exhaustive list, but are some of the common difficulties that young people face.
Anxiety in Teens
It is estimated that 1 in 6 teenagers will experience the symptoms of anxiety and the figures are increasing. Anxiety can present itself as feeling on edge, sleep disturbances, irritability, constant worry and thinking about past or future events in a negative light. Anxiety usually has a strong physical component which is often difficult to understand in itself. One minute you feel ok, and then for what seems like no discernible reason, feelings of dizziness, heart palpitations, sweating or nausea can arise. These physical sensations often create even more anxiety and can lead to panic attacks. Everyone experiences anxiety at some point in their life, but teenagers are more likely to experience anxiety due to all the changes that they are going through and the many internal and external pressures they face. Some young people turn to alcohol and other substances to help them cope with the feelings of anxiety, which has other knock on effects, usually detrimental.
Some common types of anxiety young people experience include social anxiety, health anxiety, panic disorders, generalized anxiety and anxiety related to phobias, including conditions such as OCD. Social anxiety and the related difficulty of school refusal are common during adolescence and seem to be more prevalent following the restrictions of the Covid pandemic. Counselling can help by creating a safe space in which to explore underlying problems, assist the young person to understand what is happening and develop ways of coping with, and reducing, the feelings of anxiety.
Depression in Teens
Depression in teenagers is common but the signs are not always so visible. Depression can present itself as irritability, outbursts of anger or persistent negative mood. The young person may feel a lack of interest in things they used to enjoy, they may tend to isolate themselves from friends and family and have problems at school. Research has shown that 1 in 5 young people will experience depression at some point and there are potential significant risks if it is not addressed.
Psychotherapy with a sensitive and experienced teen therapist can help the young person understand and move through the depression at a pace that feels right for them.
Trauma
Trauma is defined as a response to either a one off event like an accident, sexual or physical assault, or as a result of a series of difficult experiences such as witnessing domestic violence in the home or being bullied at school. These experiences can lead to intense emotions, racing thoughts, flashbacks, strained relationships and physical symptoms such as headaches or fatigue. It can be very difficult for a young person to understand and talk about what they have been through with their family and friends and professional therapeutic help is often required.
Bullying
Bullying is an issue that is present in many teenagers’ lives and can have devastating consequences in terms of self esteem, self confidence and feelings of self worth. Therapy can help by allowing the young person to express themselves, talk about their experiences and find solutions that feel right for them as an individual. The impact of this is that often self esteem improves and life becomes more manageable.
Divorce, bereavement and other losses
There are many types of loss that can impact mental health in young people and result in anxiety, depression and other difficulties. These include divorce, the death of a loved one, a change of school, the loss of a beloved pet, a break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, moving to a different area or having a parent diagnosed with a health condition. Teens can find these events hard to come to terms with, especially if they are unable, for whatever reason, to speak about how they feel.
Sexuality and Gender Identity
As we progress through the teen years the issues of sexuality and gender identity invariably arise. Hormonal changes means that sexual and romantic relationships become a priority and who we feel attracted to can be a source of anxiety and confusion, especially if we feel that we may not be accepted for who we are, whether that be gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual or queer. The same is true for gender identity. Some young people identify their gender with their biological sex and this feels comfortable for them, but many do not. Your teenager may feel more masculine or feminine than socially constructed gender stereotypes have defined. Identifying with different genders at different times is known as gender fluidity and can also be a source of much confusion in a society which expects identification with just biological sex. Young people facing these issues are often bullied which adds another layer of difficulty to their already challenging circumstances. One of my specialisms is in working with young people who are working out their sexuality and/or gender identity.
How Parents Can Help
– Communication
Communication isn’t always easy with teenagers but it is important to try to keep lines of communication open. There are two main sides of communication which are listening and speaking. When your child is having difficulties focus on listening to their experience and being open to how they see their situation. Try to be as non-judgmental and supportive as possible as this builds trust and you may find your teen will gradually share more with you.
– Be Positive About Counselling
Many of us benefit from counselling or psychotherapy at different points in our lives and there is no shame in speaking to a professional. Most counsellors study for many years and are experts in supporting people with mental health difficulties. I have been a counsellor working with young people for 12 years and have seen first-hand the positive impact it can have in the lives of my clients. I also offer duo counselling so that parents and teens can have joint counselling sessions to improve lines of communication and help resolve relationship problems.
– Choosing a Counsellor
When choosing a counsellor make sure your teen also has a say in who they see, how often, the specialisms the counsellor has and the mode of counselling that they prefer, whether it be online, telephone, face-to-face or walk and talk. This will help them engage with the process more fully. If your teen would like face-to-face counselling then choosing an experienced counsellor who works locally will be a priority. I currently see clients in the Brighton and Hove area. I am also flexible in that sessions can be a mix of online, telephone or face-to-face if needed.